i think the bartenders are talking about me, and i like it: being mysterious is better than being known, than sitting hand in hand with someone. being alone is a luxury i've learned i can appreciate. at dinner last night . . . i loved being 23, unmarried, unpromised, childless and without plans. it's so freeing! they're so stressed and fixed. i, on the other hand, say i want to go to morocco, and - lo and behold - i could do it!
this jazz makes it forever christmas.
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it's 5am and the c family has just left for berlin. i opened my window to hear the birds singing and briefly considered a bike ride. sleeping until i wake up, however, sounded better, so now i will sleep to birdsong and dream again as i was before of a world that doesn't speak italian. what will i say instead of ciao, bambino? hey, little one-- hey baby--
but, dreams aside, this is so good. this dawn and the coffee tomorrow morning and the bike ride and shopping and movie in the evening
(later that day)
I can hear the wind ruffle a nearby kite, and the rush of distant traffic. And birds, near and farther off. Dreaming forward or backward is useless. I am confident in my capabilities and decisions (she bluffs to herself)! I love this Thursday! My visit with Mom will be so good! Appaloosa tonight at Cinema Massimo will be so good! Clean room, heartfelt visits, nice nails, true loving glances, will come with time. Use the fear to your advantage, instead of as an excuse to run around in circles without accomplishing anything.
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